New Rules of Political Correctness

A friend just sent this to me and I thought you all would enjoy it…

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES. ”

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN- AMERICANS .  

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

  1. She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” – She is a ” BREASTED AMERICAN.”
  2. She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”
  3. She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” – She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION
  4. SUPERHIGHWAY. ” 
  5. She has not “BEEN AROUND” – She is a “PREVIOUSLY- ENJOYED COMPANION.”
  6. She does not “NAG” you – She becomes ” VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”
  7. She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” – She is a ” LOW COST PROVIDER.”

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT: 

  1. He does not have a “BEER GUT” – He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.” 
  2. He is not a “BAD DANCER” – He is ” OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”
  3. He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” – He ” INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. “
  4. He is not “BALDING” – He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”
  5. He does not act like a “TOTAL A- -” – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”
  6. It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants – It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE.”

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