BeUnproductive.com » Humor

Hand Farts are Music to my Ears

Tim — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 15:00:10 +0000

TV ads for Volleys shoes in Australia feature a hand fart musician. It’s friggin’ hilarious. Technically this is called manualism. But for me, manualism is a whole different thing.

Can Can

Mexican Hat Dance

It sounds like me after eating mexican food.

The Best Children’s Book

Tim — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 01:01:35 +0000

I came across what may be the best children’s book ever written on Gizmodo. It teaches children the joys of having a server in your home and why offices suck.

The only thing that could make this story better would be to make it a Linux server instead of Windows.

Read the whole book.

Indian Butter Trick

Tim — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 01:25:16 +0000

The other day, I stumbled across an old Indian Butter Trick I had put together years ago and reminisced about how much this amused me when I first saw it. The trick works like this:

Start with a Land O Lakes butter package. (You can see that I did this one back in 1999).
With an Xacto knife cut out the sides and bottom of the butter package the Indian lady is holding.
Then fold the other side of the package so that when you lift up the butter package flap you see her knees on the other side.

The result is that when you lift the cover of the butter package, it looks like you’re sneaking a peek at her boobies—nipples and all.

Once you know of this trick and look closely at the knees, you know this had to be intentionally created by the artist. Did he work for Mad Magazine most days and this was just a side project? Perhaps we’ll never know.

New Rules of Political Correctness

Tim — Sun, 02 Dec 2007 23:47:21 +0000

A friend just sent this to me and I thought you all would enjoy it…

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as “HILLBILLIES. ”

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN- AMERICANS .

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

She is not a “BABE” or a “CHICK” – She is a ” BREASTED AMERICAN.”
She is not “EASY” – She is “HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.”
She is not a “DUMB BLONDE” – She is a “LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION
SUPERHIGHWAY. “
She has not “BEEN AROUND” – She is a “PREVIOUSLY- ENJOYED COMPANION.”
She does not “NAG” you – She becomes ” VERBALLY REPETITIVE.”
She is not a “TWO-BIT HOOKER” – She is a ” LOW COST PROVIDER.”

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

He does not have a “BEER GUT” – He has developed a “LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.”
He is not a “BAD DANCER” – He is ” OVERLY CAUCASIAN.”
He does not “GET LOST ALL THE TIME” – He ” INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. “
He is not “BALDING” – He is in “FOLLICLE REGRESSION.”
He does not act like a “TOTAL A- -” – He develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.”
It’s not his “CRACK” you see hanging out of his pants – It’s “REAR CLEAVAGE.”